


Night Time Conversations

by twitch



Category: Galavant (TV)
Genre: Dialogue-Only, F/M, Gen, Other Characters in Reference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 17:31:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5936905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twitch/pseuds/twitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after season two finale, ostensibly set before Gareth departs to rescue Madalena from herself. Because the full reality is slightly blurred, if reality was actually confirmed. In other words, crazy exists in here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Night Time Conversations

“May I have my husband back?”

“Please – do.”

“He needs me to cheer him up.”

“NO.”

“… I need cheering up?”

“Shh Richard.”

“Is this bed even big enough for three?”

“Gar-bear.”

“Gar-bear?”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Garry-boo? My boooo….”

“Really?”

“He’s tried calling me his bae.”

“If he tries calling you that again, threaten to call him Little Dicky.”

“That is not fair!”

“Why would I? He’s not that little.”

“… so you finally did man up?”

“Well, he boy-ed up. It was only a couple of minutes.”

“Hey!”

“Why am I not surprised?”

“Hello! I’m right here!”

“I mean, I’m not complaining but normally he’s asleep and I still have my needs.”

“That’s not how you treat a woman.”

“Okay – I am no longer here, I’m not hearing any of this.”

“I am a one-man type of woman, I am faithful to Richard.”

“But you want him to treat you… longer, right?”

“Why is my sex life being talked about like I’m not here.”

“You said you weren’t here, and not listening.”

“Well… yes, I want him to know how.”

“Then show him before he falls asleep!”

“… but he’s… I don’t have anyone… to compare him to.”

“… so… who did the unicorn really belong to? – Right, neither one of you is going to answer that.”

“So… it wasn’t entirely my fault that you were going to the Island of Spinster. Well, not me alone.”

“… and you’re complaining about him not being long enough for you?”

“But he is long.”

“I told you I’m not Little Dicky.”

“I am getting out of this bed now.”

“No, don’t go!”

“Let go of me you… creepy crawling vine.”

“… would you teach him?”

“… You would want that??”

“Well, as I said, it’s been… on the short side. Not little!”

“Please? Gar-bear, I don’t want to leave her unsatisfied.”

“… I don’t think you’ll have a problem keeping the unicorn out of the bedroom anymore.”

“So you’ll teach me?”

“Um… about me teaching you, maybe… you know Sid is the real ladies’ man, from what I hear.”

“But he’s so young, that would be awkward.”

“And this isn’t?”

“If Richard trusts you I trust you.”

“… oh god.”

“And a foursome would never fit in the bed, three would be the right kind of cozy. Isn’t it now?”

“Is Galavant busy? I’m sure he could teach you.”

“No he’s busy with his three-“

“Seven.”

“Girls.”

“I need some air.”

“No Percy, stay outside!”

“I can’t teach you!”

“Don’t tease me! I know you managed to make Madalena happy… well, for a while.”

“That was for mutually throwing Sid in the moat.”

“Is that a euphemism?”

“Bless you.”

“I… what?”

“What what?”

“Speaking of moats… how would you dock… with a woman.”

“…”

“Fit it in? Breach her canal? Ship to shore?”

“And you complained about my language?”

“How do you do the nasty?”

“She’s the worst.”

“… we are hopeless.”

“Yes, I know, but if Gareth would help us-“

“I mean the three of us.”

“…”

“What… do you mean…”

“We might be the advanced ones.”

“… Gar-bear?”

“Great talk – time to sleep.”

“Not yet you are, you’ve got some explaining to do. “Man up? Why I never--””

“Goodnight.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not normally this crazy a writer, especially when it comes to making up a theory that may not fit within cannon, namely being Gareth's "man-up" prowess. This set of dialogue was inspired by messaging back and forth with a friend and over the course we made up what we considered to be valid reasons for Gareth being deserving of the Unicorn (aka Percy). He doesn't come across as very romantic, he's blunt and not exactly suave. He's been in Richard's service since he was ten. He works with the army most of the time, the army and Richard keep him busy. Richard alone wouldn't leave Gareth with much time to himself. He loves his beer which would make the little - ahem - big guy hard to rise. And the women don't seem to normally throw themselves at him. And in conclusion, when it came to Gareth and Madalena's sleeping arrangements, Gareth slept in his own room - alone. So for the sake of this little (ahem) - no, it's not big! - tale, that's the theory I'm sticking to.


End file.
